he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
