My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
