My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize