You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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