omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
