I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Your penis caused this!
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