I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
