I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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