My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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