my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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