Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
