I want to have your abortion
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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