Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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