i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
