At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
