Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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