Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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