she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
