Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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