Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
50% drunk capacity currently
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
