Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize