allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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