She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
