Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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