I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
