no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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