I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
