i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
