Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
