ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
