Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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