also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
false alarm, still single
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
