so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize