Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
