Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My balls are so social today.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
