were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize