so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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