I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
