My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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