I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
