Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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