I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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