How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's rum buckets o'clock
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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