I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
