Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
