Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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