No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
