Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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