My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize