when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize