Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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