Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How external is "for external use only"?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
