She is in my trunk
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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