Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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