Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
