I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
