She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize