Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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