She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
