I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
