He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
