Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
