you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
