I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
