im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
