there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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