we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
