hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
