there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
