eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
