My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
