i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Two words: blizzard sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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