if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
